Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
