hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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