Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I want a musical about memes.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
