when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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