dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
