grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
