Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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