i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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