she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
