I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
