I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
