i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
