remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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