sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
