I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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