Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
