420 ftw
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
