Soap is not a condiment
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
