I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
