So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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