I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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