i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You ate ashes out of my bong
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
