But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Two words: blizzard sex
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
