I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
