i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
whose parrot is this?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
