im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
