so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
