Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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