I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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