apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
