You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
