So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
