and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
