He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
