guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
