Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
