Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
