direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
