I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize