Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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