It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
