Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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