1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize