I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
