Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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