margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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