I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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