i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
