At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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