so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
