i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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