4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
