If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
