Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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