From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
