I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
