I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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