It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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