Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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