he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize