walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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