I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
