Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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