Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
