my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
