8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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