Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize