I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
