I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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