there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Im part way to drunk.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
