Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
