Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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