The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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