Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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