I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
