And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
false alarm, still single
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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