DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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