When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We left the knife in your bed.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
