I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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