Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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