a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize