you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
pray to the hookup gods
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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