i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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