Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
