How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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