now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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