I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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