so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How external is "for external use only"?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
