and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize