is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
how do flat chested girls get laid?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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